Mommy and daughter time all the time. It’s my new way of life as a new stay at home mom. Finally, I can go to those mommy and me events. The ones I used to stare at in Facebook groups envious of the moms who could attend while I was at work.
Our first mommy and me outing — story time at the library. While it’s all about my daughter, it’s also about finding play dates for my daughter and mommy dates for my sanity.
I scurried around feeding, cleaning, and clothing my daughter hardly remembering how we did this for six months every morning. As difficult as it was to both work, we got a brief break each morning to get ready in silence while our daughter was cared for by our paid help. Now, I barely have 30 seconds for myself. When I looked in the mirror, I barely recognized the reflection that stared back at me. My hair thrown back in a ponytail. The humidity causing the sides to curl. And then there were those eyes. Long, drawn, and droopy bags hanging from them. The bags hang halfway down my face. It’s like they appeared overnight, even though I know they didn’t.
It’s been a rewarding and challenging nine months. We run around ragged like most new parents, but sleep evades us. I cringe when I hear a new mom tell me she’s getting 12 hours of sleep. I’m lucky to get four or five hours of sleep each night. I doze more than sleep and after awhile it really takes a physical toll. We’re seeing improvements, but still struggling. There’s nothing like a daily 3:30 A.M. wakeup call. I feel the toll this is taking on my body. Now, I see the toll it’s taking.
My otherwise bright, blue eyes no longer sparkle. They’re overshadowed by the dull, dark circles underneath. No wonder nobody can tell where my daughter’s eyes come from. They always look at me oddly wondering if she got her baby blues from me. Yes, they are from me and her dad. My husband’s eyes are blue too. You just can’t tell I’m a contributor of those baby blues because mine are now overshadowed by dark circles from all those sleepless nights.
What a juxtaposition just weeks after I quit a job that focuses so much on appearance. As a journalist, you’ll hear it from consultants and / or viewers if your appearance is not up to their standards. For nine months, I stared at myself in a mirror as I applied makeup everyday. However, those bags never struck me like they did just moments before I embarked on my new life.My new 8 hour job. I mean 24 hour workday as a mom.
A job that I couldn’t feel more blessed to have no matter the impact on my appearance. I walked into the library ready to defend myself. A bit of that journalistic defense mechanism ready to kick in — a defense mechanism I needed a few times to deal with viewer hate mail. I quickly realized, I have a lot of company. Hats, gym clothes, and pony tails filled the room. Other moms who are also just getting by because they too are putting their child first.
As we sang songs and my daughter socialized, her smiles and giggles reminded me life as a stay at home mom is all worth it. She doesn’t care if I have black eyes or blue eyes. She just wants me to love her and spend as much time as possible together.
The bags will disappear once my daughter gets the hang of sleeping. Right now, they are part of being her mom. We all have our own challenges. For us, it’s sleep. We’ll figure it out. Those bags scared me when I first noticed them, but they won’t scar me. My eyes will sparkle again. For now, those bags are a badge of honor. Those dark shadows will never overshadow the joy I feel every day as a mom.
